A Very Wheezey Christmas
by MadCatta
Summary: It's Christmas yet again at the Burrow, in the year where Harry, Ron and Hermione are hunting horcruxes. But that doesn't mean it's depressing...


**Right ho. Haven't written in a while and hit a bit of inspiration (*cough*procrastinatinghomework*cough*)**

**Read and enjoy, and if you fancy it, drop a review?**

**Own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Molly Weasley had been cooking all day for this. Most of the family would be over – there would be a noticeable exception of Ron, and Harry and Hermione, of course – and Bill and Fleur had been very insistent on having their own Christmas dinner this year, and they all tried not to think of Percy.<p>

Christmas, even when Death Eaters were ruling, was a time for celebration. Fred and George had kept the shop open until three o' clock on Christmas Eve – they claimed that, as most other shops were closed long before this in Diagon Alley, any last resort presents would therefore be bought from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and they appeared to be right – Ginny was back from Hogwarts, Charlie was over, Lupin and Tonks and various other Order members had been around the day before for nibbles and drinks (which they'd had to spend a while sorting out wards, but all involved agreed it had been worth it), Arthur was relaxed and home, and it would be a wonderful celebration.

Under Ginny's insistence, there was a large candle near the Christmas tree, burning symbolically for Harry, Ron and Hermione. Under this, there lay a pile of presents for the trio, including Weasley jumpers (maroon for Ron, a light blue for Hermione, emerald green for Harry) and other presents.

Ginny, Charlie and Arthur were all helping Molly with great enthusiasm, but she'd been fruitlessly trying to get Fred and George to help her for much of the morning. They were busy in their bedroom ("We're planning a surprise!"), but she couldn't hear sounds from it. Usually when they were in there, there'd be the bangs from their inventions, or occasionally one of them swearing as something went wrong, which she never hesitated to chide them for. She didn't try very hard to get them though; that would involve opening their door and seeing the room, so lovely and tidy and _clean_ only the day before being disgusting.

Besides, it was good they were still happy – she'd noticed Fred getting more worried about the safety of the family, he could be a bit overly cautious over George (Molly had heard an almost-argument between them) and even about Ron. This wasn't something the whole family had witnessed, it was a few weeks back when Fred and George were spending the night at the Burrow, "because our clothes reek and George can't cook," Fred had said. Whether or not that was the reason, Molly wasn't sure, but she was grateful. It only seemed like yesterday (ok, maybe two days ago) that there had been seven small red-headed things running under her feet and stealing Arthur's wand and coming crying to Mummy when they got tripped up by the others. It was awfully strange being just her and Arthur, even after six years of it, and especially when her family was in such danger. It was nice having some children around, even if they were nineteen years old.

Oh, bother, the sprouts were boiling over.

* * *

><p>Christmas dinner was ready on the table, places were set, Ginny had turned the wireless off of Celestina Warbeck, Arthur was caressing a rubber duck – "Arthur! Put that away!" – and Charlie was making the fire hotter. They were all wearing their Weasley jumpers, which Molly had made extra soft this year, acting on the logic that in times like these, one needs all the comfort they can get.<p>

The twins came down, one in a blue F jumper, the other in a blue G jumper. Sitting down next to each other, grinning, the rest of the family joined them. Even if they hadn't helped set up, Molly thought, they could always do the bulk of the tidying up. Well, no "could" about it. They will do the bulk of the tidying up.

Fred and George spread their special new crackers, which didn't make loud bangs, but instead, when all six were pulled at the same time, a loud tune erupted from all, something Arthur was sure he'd heard before, and a different sound came from each cracker – Molly recognised a trumpet and a saxophone, was sure there were some strings, and there was a lovely low drum rhythm.

"Those were actually designed for you, Dad," the twin in the G jumper said.

"How are they specific for Dad?" Charlie asked.

"Well, we put in some research-" George started,

"-Found out muggle Christmas traditions, right-"

"-And this was a song they like."

"Jingle bells," they said together.

"Oh, of course! I knew I recognised it! It's wonderful, boys!" Arthur pulled on his pink and yellow bowler hat, and so all the Weasleys put on whichever hat they were lucky enough to get from the cracker – Ginny and George had a disagreement over who should get the Holyhead Harpies hat (George's cracker, but he was a Puddlemere United supporter, but then again, messing with Ginny just _had_ to be done) when Molly shrieked.

"Fred!"

Fred's hat was one of Fred and George's early inventions – the Headless Hat. Molly had turned to talk to Fred and gotten such a fright to see him lacking a head. Laughing heartily, Fred pulled off the hat.

"Wait..." Charlie peered forward, "Fred... George... have you switched jumpers?"

Molly, Arthur and Ginny also leaned in, staring at the twins. They were grinning identically – _and both were missing an ear. _

Molly Weasley shrieked for the second time that night.

"Fred! Where's your ear?" she cried, staring at the twin wearing the F jumper.

"He's not Fred, I am!" said the one with the G.

"Honestly woman, you call yourself our mother..."

"Where _is_ your ear then, Fred?" Ginny asked apprehensively, to the one in the G jumper.

"I'm only yanking your wand, Gin. I'm George really."

"_Fred!"_ Molly cried out, slightly distressed. To the boy in the F.

The twins exchanged grins.

"Well, Mother, in the creation of these _charming _crackers, one uh, exploded, taking a bit of myself with it."

The other Weasleys stared at them, aghast.

"Kidding."

"What really happened is, well, you know I'm always saying he'd forget his head if it weren't screwed on..."

"Well, it's true. In the rush of coming back home, I kind of forgot my ear..."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, right."

"Alright, well, really-"

"My ear got lonely up in heaven. And then it was decided by the Almighty Rulers that you couldn't just have one twin a saint. Now we're both holey."

"Yeah. It sort of, fell off, in the night."

"Did you splinch yourself?" Ginny piped up.

"Oi! I'm bloody good at apparition, I'll have you know!"

"Fred! Don't swear!"

"Sorry, mum..."

Charlie helped himself to a couple of roast potatoes.

"Have you seriously both only got one ear now?" Ginny asked. Molly frowned. Enough of her sons had been injured so far.

"Actually," said the one in the G, "We've been messing about with new things."

"Inspired by our Headless Hats..." the one in the F started to fiddle in the space where his ear ought to be.

"We got a wonderful idea for-"

"Earless Earrings," they said together. And the twin in the G took his hand from his head, and there was the missing ear. In his hand was the two halves of an earring stud.

"Who would want an Earless Earing?" Ginny asked incredulously. Molly had to agree.

The boy in the F, who must therefore be George, said "Well, isn't it obvious?"

He was met with silence.

"So they too can look as brilliant as yours truly!"

"Saint George the Lopsided, who wouldn't want to be like that?"

The rest of the food was dished out.


End file.
